first day of sitex. i really dont know how to express all that i feel. it's like going to navcamp and coming back with a whole load of emotions i cant even express. it's happiness, disappointment, contentment, everything.
read melissa's blog. mer, i know part of it is referring to me lah. hahaha. but well. after working for a while, and getting to know the kind of people who succeed in IT shows, i realise that many of them are from ITE. no kidding. however, just because they did not succeed in conventional education, does not make them any more stupid than any one else. like my 'supervisor'. well not really my supervisor. he's also a promoter, but he's worked for like 15 shows le. so he has the authority to recruit pple. and even at the beginning, he's good at what he does. after hearing about what he does in order to clinch deals, i find myself wondering, why am i so rigid minded that i cannot conjure up these 'tricks' myself. which are not deception; it's just creativity and flexibility. is it that ive been in this education system which teaches us 'there's only one way to do things?' in a way, i feel so.
maybe it's not only the want to be independent which drove me to work. i do not feel that my efforts in studying equate to the results i get. unfortunately, i have no idea what has happened to me in poly. 252 for psle, 11 points for Os; that's still acceptable results. in fact, my psle score had effectively put me in the top 10% of the cohort. i hope im not sounding like im bragging. i have a point to make.
at the end of the day, i dunno whether it's that i have grown sick of studying, or just find that over-education hinders creativity, or whatever subconscious philosophy that my brain has managed to conjour up; the plain fact that i am not finding fulfillment or my niche in studying. hence the desire to diversify. discover things i may or may not be good at. and i have no idea why i wanted to work this time again. the previous experience was a toll on me, emotionally, mentally, physically. not forgetting to mention the friendship problems i had, which made it worse. i had just hoped for the better.
today, 1 sale only. as compared to 5 from my 'supervisor', and sales number ranging from 1 to 3 from others. maybe it does not seem like alot. maybe part of it has to do with luck. but i dont know. many of them were first timers. in a way, i feel quite inapt. i feel that i shouldnt be comparing myself against first timers; that i should maybe be comparing myself against old timers like my supervisor. he was really quite concerned about me as the day progressed; he was making steady progress in sales while i was having 0 sales all the way, until 8pm. cause he recruited me; seeing that i had worked before, so definitely there is that certain expectation. furthermore, it was he whom recommended me to his boss to employ me. i didnt know it was all that complicated. i was the last person to close my first sale in the day. heng-suay that my customer came back, maybe. i sense that my boss is not very happy with my performance. which really sucks. i hate to disappoint people. i dont mind disappointing myself. but not others.
maybe im being too hard on myself. maybe it's only the first day. maybe im giving myself excuses. maybe i need to dull-lify my brain so that i dont think so much and maybe end up going psycho. HAHA.
throughout the day, i really wondered whether i would want to work again next time. it's only because of the pressure of closing those sales which would deter me. and it can be very pressurising, if others close and you dont. it can be a good cause for losing your morale too. i constantly wonder whether im cut out for this. and im not sure what 'this' means either. it could refer to working in IT shows, or sales as a whole. if it's sales as a whole, then it would be very sad. cause sales is really a big part of our economy. haha.
then i realised something. that 99.99999999% of the branch managers in my company, or the people of authority in general, are male. it does speak volumes about the trade. maybe girls are not as cut out for this line as guys. or maybe it's just me. i dont know. i dont know alot of things still. i havent found the thing im good at yet; thou i had thought i had found it in academics. that was when i was young. it's a scary thing to have something to clutch on to; but after a while, realise that you've lost it.
i can tell you that this line sucks. especially those whereby people have to compete for commission. surely there will be an instance whereby somebody closes the deal which someone else had watered the seeds for the closure. and unfortunately, it takes a few people to talk to customers before they finally come back and get a set. and most of them really dont care who they close the sale with. as long as they get the deal. only those pro ones like my supervisor can water the seeds, airate the soil, prune the seedlings and close the deal. today one of those unfortunate instances happened. crap just happens in life. it's a wacked up world we live in.
im feeling much less tired than when i worked at comex. maybe it's cause i swam on monday. my legs arnt that tired also. and im still awake at 12.30am. haha.
maybe i love IT show. maybe i dont. there are few i can really trust; being suddenly thrown into this working world. but my supervisor is really willing to share the stuff he does with a bunch of clueless girls. and btw, there are like 12 girls and 5 guys in the team. haha. so yeah. fun for him. LOL. and we really dont speak to the other guys. so it's only our supervisor we talk to. and he feels like a friend to us. and he's only slightly older than 20.
for those who have found your niche, it's really good for you that you have. hope it stays that way for you then. unfortunately, there are many in the world who have not. or those who thought they have, but then when the rules of the game (circumstances, abilities) change, you may find that you will have to play it a different way in order to even finish it. im so philosophical. haha. but this happens when anyone is put in extreme conditions.
my parents actually want to buy a laptop for themselves thou. haha. at least im working for a brand i actually believe in this time. the previous one was no choice. my first time. but sometimes, i feel that customers can be so stupid. we KNOW that our company gives the best deals. but they still want to walk around and compare prices and brands. compare prices nvm. but dont go and compare brands lah. how can you compare hp to acer??? i dont work for hp, btw. just an example. maybe for the same specs, hp is more ex. but please. you get what you pay for. buy acer, a cheap brand which uses cheap materials, and you get loads of problems.
dont understand y pple still bring the acer brochure to us to compare. thou all of these laptops are made in china, but the standard of production is different for every brand. people should really be more aware of what they are comparing. it's like comparing an orange to an apple. one instance, whereby my friend promoted our brand to this guy, and he actually went off to buy LG instead. like... diao... LG's niche is not in laptops. want to buy laptop, buy a brand which has a proven track record. he just shot himself in the foot. but who's to judge. it's his money. haha.
crap. i just realised im able to rattle off with my supervisor about IT show, IT and the rubbish alike; while the other girls cant really do so and often are found listening to our conversation. sometimes i really dont know what to do. shut up and let this cold silence fill the air? you know how guys have this communication barrier with girls. either girls talk about IT with them, or guys suan girls and that's their form of communication. for alot of guys, it seems like IT is their life. LOL. and maybe occasionally they'll talk about relationships. or they'll bitch about others. HAHA.
dont feel like working tmr. just getting this feeling that it will take too long to work out. each day im just trying and trying. trying to find a way out. trying to find something im good at; so that i can be a little contented with myself. not that im insecure or what. but it's scary to graduate with a mere business diploma and not be able to get into uni. in a way, im trying to diversify myself. but not pressurising myself in it thou. life is a pool of mixed feelings. i find each day getting more and more complicated. situations and circumstances change. it's tiring to keep up.
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