didnt study my queries well. which was 40%. goodness.
when i was waiting for the bus after itab, suddenly it hit me that itab ica was over. and that i was on my way home already. how fast. it's so scarily fast.
im really really sick and tired of studying. i cant even begin to describe how nauseous i get when i think that i have to memorise some chunk of crap which i wont even be using in the future. and how much this chunk of crap makes a difference in my education level, hence possibly my life. for once in nearly my entire life, i crammed 1 hour of stats for tmr. and i think it is more effective. but this kind of last min cramming is not good for the heart. could totally feel my pulse race. but like i said. im sick of studying.
it's just weird how the body manages to adapt to changing environments. changing emotional or physical environments.
40 more mins of stats in the mrt, then it's off to the paper for me.
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basically have this nauseous feeling about everything. just plain sick of feeling like this all the time. i wish that this and that didnt happen. everything happens for a reason. fuck life. it's pointless to live.
and at the same time while im saying this, i know it's so wrong. there are people who are worse off. i just need a breakthrough. but after every breakthrough, comes a period of drought.
i dont want to see the light of day again. i dont want to wake up and realise that i have stats to take. let the world carry on without me. God, pull me through. give me a reason to live in this messed up *-hole that im in.
i want peace. i dont want enemies. i want everything to be the way it was like before. before life got worse and worse with each living day.
that being said. im sorry for whatever wrong ive done to any of you. when i hurt someone who is close to me, i think about it alot, and can never really face the person without feeling a tinge of guilt again. self-forgiveness is something i have to learn. otherwise, i'll be stuck in the past for a long time. but for now, i do apologise for whatever wrong ive done.
it doesnt mean i'll never be wrong again. just hope you guys would understand.
yet, thank you to those who have treated my mistakes as nothing but mistakes. for understanding that we are not perfect, and never will be. for a reason, i have an obsession with perfection. because of the plain fact that it's hard for me to forgive myself when somebody is angry because of me. that's why i love solitude.
well. enough said. all the best for mst. the jc people had their time of mugging. now it's our turn.
