blah.. i think i should get a job. lol. i wanted to!! so many times!! but it always fell through. WHY?? i really wonder. about thrice, tuition lobang fell thru. then IT fair, TWICE fell thru. i think God doesnt want me to work or something. hahaha. maybe cause, if i commit myself to a job, i will hv less time to study or to learn other things... sigh i dunno. i want to find oso cannot find. and if i really get one, i will be hounded by the employer right... sigh.
at first i didnt want to find cause of sec skl influence... almost all of them are jc pple hu rely on father-mother scholarship till uni. a rare few take up jobs while studying; in jc it's just not common sensical to. but now in poly, got influenced the other way round. so fine, i started to ask pple abt job leads. BUT, ask oso might as well not ask!!! hahahaa. no lah, not their fault. just tt, until now im not employed!! hahaa. maybe sometimes it's a case of 'be careful for what you wish for'. cause im not even certain i will be able to carry thru that committment. maybe now cause im more free and it's hols so i want something more to occupy my time; but then im not considering the fact that i will be very tired when i come home and then not be able to study or complete the cca projs ive committed myself to. sigh. committment... is so..
it's like, who will be able to predict the future; whether you will be able to carry thru the committment? last time joining tkd, i didnt expect my knee to give problems, resulting in me almost not finishing my tkd. i stayed with it for around 2 years... and grew tired of it. committment does not equal to passion; so something you think you are passionate about, in time to come, may not be that way anymore.
actually, i was taking a look at this particular news on sp webpage last time; there was this SIA scholarship whereby they pay for yr further education and you join them for abt 2 years in SIA. sounds enticing right? get to fly around the world and get your uni education paid. but, i checked up further on people's comments on tt scholarship, and it's not as great as it seems. you get jet lag, the pple there are quite.. not very nice, etc etc. and the worse thing is, you are bonded with them for 2 years i think.
then amanda's sis is on bond w moe, but they pay her SMU ed. I WAN CAN!!! then i wont need to get a job to pay my school fees then. not like im doing so currently lah, but in the future i hope to be fully capable of paying my fees... inspired by the many stories of people who are doing so. however, can i be certain that i can survive thru teaching for 3 years after coming out of uni? i know i alr cannot tahan waking up at 6 everyday,hahaha, what more 3 years of that.. sigh... before we commit ourselves to anything, we really really have to think very carefullly..
im saying so because i hv past experience which i dont want to repeat again. something we may be fired up about now, it may die down later. that's the worst thing. i made a choice about business admin last year. my fire hasnt died down yet; and i do hope it doesnt. actually currently, im getting quite sian of some of the modules i have to take. like stats and pacc. in the workplace, it's more about how you get along with people, not how well you can calculate standard deviation, lol. and i know it's gonna get worse with qualitative analysis next year, seeing darren study that. and pacc is gonna get harder... things are going to get more complicated. im not sure if i can last that long, not sure if my passion for the course i chose will be sustained for 3 years. i dont mind presentations; they're fun, but i detest exams to the core. you will be surprised, some people actually find exams fun, but detest presentations.
sigh, whatever it is, i will just have to live by my decision. in anything we do, there will be obstacles. maybe it's a development of perseverance, of patience. otherwise, there would be no value in completing something with haste, thou there are exceptions.
hm, about the job thing, i wish i had a tuition student. can earn $100+ a month. but, am i willing to spend the time and energy.. for darren it's twice a wk, after school. and i know that after school im too tired to do anything. as for weekends, im not sure if i will be able to carry on with the student after yr 1. it wouldnt be fair to the person. but ok, even if i TRIED and wanted, like i did before, it all didnt fall through!! most people are fortunate lah, their first few lobang and they get the job. but for me?? i find so long alr, in the end it just didnt turn out. sigh. i really dunno. but i know that, while i have this op cost of earning that extra income, id better do more things with my time. hence taking up so many cca projs. so that whatever value of the time im forgoing now, i'll make up for it in the future. ok i didnt intend for this part to be so econ-sy.
it's 2.30 am.. i woke up at 1am. how to sleep now lah?? im not sleepy. =x and i hv this craving for chocolate. lol..
