at 2 plus, got incoming call on hp... and the person was saying my name in such a suspicious manner, like ghost..hahahahaah.. like.. 'rachel... rachel..' like i did something wrong liddat. -.-' HAHA. i found the voice so familiar, then it was claire!! hahahaa. yea guess what. debbie and claire were in orchard so they just suddenly decided to call me out. HAHAH. yeah, so within one hour i was in orchard. -.-' oh gosh, spur of the moment things will weaken my heart in the long run!! haha. too bad i haven configured the bluetooth on my laptop so taking pics didnt take root in my mind. watched transformers.. it's an awesome show. ^^ i have a new found respect for digital arts. ^^

sleepy now... i wanna dl games into my phone... but dunno whether got sites which hv virus and all that. gahh.

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last paper down; management and organisational behaviour.

actually, i should stop hating exams... like, hating a person can be tiring, so it goes the same way for exams. maybe years of detesting exams has gotten tiring. hahaha. so i should learn to accept their existence. haha.

after mob, went to eat lunch w kim and ber, then discussed idea, then kim went to do her itab w her grp and i accompanied bernice to e modeling agency in orchard. she has to pay $350 for a cosmetics set if interested. thou kim n i were suspicious, but ber's mum is ok with it. good exposure i guess.. just hope other complications dont arise if she joins.

still left idea and itab pbl. life returns back to normal... not like exams are not normal anyways. must learn to treat exams like they're a normal part of life; otherwise i'll end up resenting exams.

yay. finally can sleep until shuang. hahaha. XD

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im really in no mood to study. if not for that one thing in my life which keeps me going, i wouldnt have bothered to study for any subject at all. and score miserably, and still not be able to buck up after getting back horrible results. because.. im just too tired of studying.

i pushed myself ever since p5, never stopping until from sec4 onwards, somehow, i just slackened. other people were able to keep on going; i couldnt. that is not to say i didnt study; i did. just not enough.

and now, so many things seem pointless. again, i feel like a machine which poly wants to stuff infomation into. like, practicing pacc, itab, whatever. doing it again and again. it can get really sian. but, at least it's so much better than being in a lecture hall and have facts thrown at you. i seriously dont pay attention in lectures at all. because i will feel like im mass-produced.

i dont intend to study for mob. just maybe read thru. cause im not feeling like it's worth it. if i wanna memorise the facts, i will throw it all out of the window after the exam. pointless. so i shall just read and see what goes in. haha.

ever since reaching home at like 4, i hv not done anything until now. it's 11pm. woohoo. lol... i was dead tired from having only 5 hours of sleep for the past few days. im a serious insomniac. i sleep from 10 to 1am, then cant slp until 6am till it's time to wake up to go sch and take exam. which is usually 8am liddat. so many days i felt like fainting on the mrt again, because of the lack of sleep. not that i was studying. i just plainly couldnt sleep.

i know it's hard to say 'dont fret about this MST', but it's only about 10%. and we're always given second chances. semester exam is about 40%, so that's worse. we still hv time if we did not do well this time. and ive realised that, sometimes, scoring well too early in your life, is not really good. you will get burnt out by the time years pass by. i see many uni pple who lose that gung-ho attitude towards studying; probably because they're too tired of mugging. for Os, then As. no one can chiong all the time. scoring well in psle doesnt mean that you will score well in Os etc.

i want normal school days back.

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seen the qns b4. but couldnt do it. mind went BLANKK. haha. and since i slept at 8 and woke up at 2, my mind was CHAO DA. i could feel it sizzling. hahahah. just so wanted to sleep.

actually, what's so scary about exams... the only scary part is that they put you into a room, and you're supposed to do a paper there for an hour or so. it's like a slaughter house. haha. but otherwise, with the air con on, it's relaxing. HAHHAA. lol im being such a moron.

gosh, the feeling of returning to school rawks. i just couldnt help but smile when i reached dover mrt. hahahaha. and laughing with kim and ber again was refreshing. i missed that loads during the stupid hols where im cooped up in my house with almost nothing to do. haha, ok, supposed to study eh? hahaha. even outside the exam room, i was still smiling. hahahahahha. being back in school puts the life back into me. ^^

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it's 4.10am. lol.

questioning the use of sinking all this knowledge in.. it's like in O levels. studied hard for chem, for example, and now, if you ask me what is the chemical formula for ester, i seriously wouldnt be able to give you an answer. lol. what's the use.

just checked out NTU and SMU's website.. for business, NTU doesnt even CONSIDER cutting the modules i took in poly. and for SMU, it's a little better, thou not much. only if your results are good, then they will consider cutting a max of 5 modules. and NUS is out of the question; it's very academic driven. pretty much like jc, so i will die there before i graduate lol. so, after 3 years of poly, i have to go thru 3 years in uni. feel kinda cheated; you hear rumours about poly students being able to skip one year of uni. but i didnt even check the website before entering poly. but anyways, 2 or 3 years, i would hv gone to poly. so yeah, even thou the rumour didnt hold true, for business at least, i would still hv stuck to my choice. and oh well. most of you peeps would hv the advantage of graduating 1 year earlier than me... dont gloat!! XD

anyways, i was wondering about this skip modules thingy, and was thinking that, even if i am allowed to skip modules, would i want to? after all, uni is different from poly. the stuff they teach, presentations, it's a different experience. i guess it saves time and money. but i hv no choice... i cant be exempted from modules, dont even need to talk abt a year.

and another thing... if talking abt SMU, it's ex. so it's either i get a scholarship or bond there, or it's NTU for me. where i'll be later than the jc peeps by 1 year, without module cutting considerations. actually, most of the entrance from poly do not consider the students to scrape the modules. MOST. and even fewer allow second year entry. not even from business course going to business. i dunno what to say liao. except... oh well. at least im enjoying my life.

i dunno... after reading about that news, probably whatever im learning now, i hv to relearn again. reading thru paper after paper, getting the facts sunken in, reminds me of Os. we can never escape this exam thing, can we. on one hand, poly is what ive wanted; the subjects id wanted to study. on the other hand, if i had stuck thru jc doing subjects i dont like... blah. either way, im in this situation alr. shall not ponder further.

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CRAP. I JUST WANT TO FAINT AND DIE. LOL.

know what time i slept??? 9 AM. 9AM!!! AND UNTIL WHAT TIME?? 4.30PM!! THEN YOU KNOW WHAT? I WAS SLEEPY AGAIN. THEN I SLEPT FROM 7 TO 9.30pm. IM MAD. MADDDDD!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!! gosh. i wanna run away from myself. my weird habits which are eating me from the inside out. sapping my energy. but i seriously cannot help it man.

considering joining a sports cca liao. HAHHAA. as if i havent gotten enough from 2 ccas!! hahaa. but, this sedentary lifestyle is horrible. ok lol. maybe it's only during the holidays. on normal school days it gets better. like, at least got take public transport.

i told my parents i wanted to move to the west. and yea, i wanted that ever since april. but now it's even more sian. cause im taking like 1.5 hours to reach skl, take a stupid 1 hour exam, then take another 1 hour to go home!!! one day if i feel sian enough, i'll hav a good mind not to go to school altogether. haha.

sigh. cant we just have normal school back??? i'd so much rather have projects than exams!! i should stop complaining too. lolx.

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study study study. study so much for what??? in the end, all the papers will be thrown away. and if you wanna throw away papers, throw into RECYCLING BIN OKAY!! haha. u know, until now i have some O level stuff decomposing in my room. lol. cause i cant bear to throw them away.

ok. back to the topic of studying. BAHHHH. DONT LIKE. like, as if your boss next time will ask u to calculate standard deviation lah!! he will say u stupid, count in your head when u can use excel to calculate. -.-" LOL. no point can! lkakvasdnkvkmsnfks. BAH. lol.

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im at fc 4 with bernice!! koping her laptop cause she's copying my econs tut answers. the equilibrium thingy. then. she's having a super hard time figuring out my handwriting and shortforms. hahahaha. so, even if pple steal my notes, they will give up trying to decipher it. hahaha.

today i did so many things.... slept from 4am to 7.30am cause i just couldnt get to sleep. cant believe im still alive right now. lol... then went for a litle itab discussion with itab group, then went to spic to see what i could do to help them with their computers. then went to spse clubhouse cause darren wanted to hold an interview and to get mob notes from him. mainly they're the mind maps i never bother to copy during mob lessons... hahah.

then went back to spic again, whereby everyone was so pekchek because of miscommunication, then end up whatever work we had done, i think we had to undo it. GAH. computers are so like that. everytime i do my software stuff also like that de. do, undo, redo. sianz.

then. went to biz IT lib to meet bernice again... in total i sort of made her wait for like 4 hours... hahaha..... i very sleepy now.. but if i go home i know i wont be able to do work. this is sian. i hate this taste of O levels all over again. i know i can never escape exams as long as im in singapore, but i wanna get as close to escaping as possible. hahaa.

i just want school to start as per normal. so that i feel so busy like im accomplishing alot of things. hahaa. projects always feel that way. like we discuss so much, like we hv accomplished alot but actually it's always not so. lol...

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gosh what the.. doing itab now, or rather, looking thru how to do data management and pivot table. and in my opinion, the pbl can actually be done by 1 person lol... but it's called a pbl so everyone must contribute. -.-" tmr reach there by 9; but if we dunno what to do then what's the use of us gathering there? and actually i can finish doing it de, but everyone must contribute right? what if later i finish doing then they don wanna use mine? lol. so i shant do. gah seriously. i don think i'll even be able to wake up. i slept from 7am to 5pm today okay. how to wake up in the morning you tell me. lol.

oh man. BURN ITAB. it would be easier if we did it so many times until we're so good at it, we think it's fun. like algebra. lol. fine i dont see it's use now. im getting sian. of the subjects. lol. but i hv to stick with it.

my itab grp pple are virtually uncontactable. gahh. idea was easier to complete. but now, hv to re-do idea. fine, at least we hv a better idea of what to do for it. yucks. actually, as long you give the teacher what he wants, he'll give you the marks. that's how the world works. give the customer what he wants, and he'll give you the money.

im starting to see things unfold. the world is getting so complicated for my puny mind to process. lol.

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blah.. i think i should get a job. lol. i wanted to!! so many times!! but it always fell through. WHY?? i really wonder. about thrice, tuition lobang fell thru. then IT fair, TWICE fell thru. i think God doesnt want me to work or something. hahaha. maybe cause, if i commit myself to a job, i will hv less time to study or to learn other things... sigh i dunno. i want to find oso cannot find. and if i really get one, i will be hounded by the employer right... sigh.

at first i didnt want to find cause of sec skl influence... almost all of them are jc pple hu rely on father-mother scholarship till uni. a rare few take up jobs while studying; in jc it's just not common sensical to. but now in poly, got influenced the other way round. so fine, i started to ask pple abt job leads. BUT, ask oso might as well not ask!!! hahahaa. no lah, not their fault. just tt, until now im not employed!! hahaa. maybe sometimes it's a case of 'be careful for what you wish for'. cause im not even certain i will be able to carry thru that committment. maybe now cause im more free and it's hols so i want something more to occupy my time; but then im not considering the fact that i will be very tired when i come home and then not be able to study or complete the cca projs ive committed myself to. sigh. committment... is so..

it's like, who will be able to predict the future; whether you will be able to carry thru the committment? last time joining tkd, i didnt expect my knee to give problems, resulting in me almost not finishing my tkd. i stayed with it for around 2 years... and grew tired of it. committment does not equal to passion; so something you think you are passionate about, in time to come, may not be that way anymore.

actually, i was taking a look at this particular news on sp webpage last time; there was this SIA scholarship whereby they pay for yr further education and you join them for abt 2 years in SIA. sounds enticing right? get to fly around the world and get your uni education paid. but, i checked up further on people's comments on tt scholarship, and it's not as great as it seems. you get jet lag, the pple there are quite.. not very nice, etc etc. and the worse thing is, you are bonded with them for 2 years i think.

then amanda's sis is on bond w moe, but they pay her SMU ed. I WAN CAN!!! then i wont need to get a job to pay my school fees then. not like im doing so currently lah, but in the future i hope to be fully capable of paying my fees... inspired by the many stories of people who are doing so. however, can i be certain that i can survive thru teaching for 3 years after coming out of uni? i know i alr cannot tahan waking up at 6 everyday,hahaha, what more 3 years of that.. sigh... before we commit ourselves to anything, we really really have to think very carefullly..

im saying so because i hv past experience which i dont want to repeat again. something we may be fired up about now, it may die down later. that's the worst thing. i made a choice about business admin last year. my fire hasnt died down yet; and i do hope it doesnt. actually currently, im getting quite sian of some of the modules i have to take. like stats and pacc. in the workplace, it's more about how you get along with people, not how well you can calculate standard deviation, lol. and i know it's gonna get worse with qualitative analysis next year, seeing darren study that. and pacc is gonna get harder... things are going to get more complicated. im not sure if i can last that long, not sure if my passion for the course i chose will be sustained for 3 years. i dont mind presentations; they're fun, but i detest exams to the core. you will be surprised, some people actually find exams fun, but detest presentations.

sigh, whatever it is, i will just have to live by my decision. in anything we do, there will be obstacles. maybe it's a development of perseverance, of patience. otherwise, there would be no value in completing something with haste, thou there are exceptions.

hm, about the job thing, i wish i had a tuition student. can earn $100+ a month. but, am i willing to spend the time and energy.. for darren it's twice a wk, after school. and i know that after school im too tired to do anything. as for weekends, im not sure if i will be able to carry on with the student after yr 1. it wouldnt be fair to the person. but ok, even if i TRIED and wanted, like i did before, it all didnt fall through!! most people are fortunate lah, their first few lobang and they get the job. but for me?? i find so long alr, in the end it just didnt turn out. sigh. i really dunno. but i know that, while i have this op cost of earning that extra income, id better do more things with my time. hence taking up so many cca projs. so that whatever value of the time im forgoing now, i'll make up for it in the future. ok i didnt intend for this part to be so econ-sy.

it's 2.30 am.. i woke up at 1am. how to sleep now lah?? im not sleepy. =x and i hv this craving for chocolate. lol..

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oh man this is so unfair.... SOMEBODY by the initials d.c has been tagging my board n i hv no idea who he/she is. NOT FAIRRRRR. u know how it's freaky that pple know you but you dunno pple??? AHHH!!!!

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i checked out jul's blog. AND MUAHAHHAA. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, DANIEL CHOO!!! HAHAHA. XD i have a good sixth sense okay. XD hahaha.

no motivation to study, at all. sigh.

oh, karen's coming to stay over with my family for 3 weeks... he's an new zealander friend of ours, coming to singapore for exchange trip something like that. pri 6, same as my bro. hope he doesnt adopt the singlish accent or i dont adopt his kiwi accent. XD

new media forum tmr. that effectively eats up my entire day. but anyhow. i dont feel like studying. it's really hopeless.

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hm... slept from 10 to 1... then came online... cause y?? i thought jason angry w me for something!!! hahaha. cause i sent 3 pple an sms saying tt e convention is on wed, not tmr, then he nv reply me!! turns out tt he nv switch on his phone. -.-" scare pple lah jason.. haha. if u ever read my blog, lol.

anw i was feeling kind of panhseh-ed, cause derek sms me tt he couldnt come on wed, cause jason couldnt make it. then... when i was sleeping, i dreamt tt i was talking to alot of pple on msn.. haha. but when i woke up, i had this feeling that i was over relying on people and not having a stand for myself... cause i was thinking of backing out from the New Media forum cause the pple i asked initially couldnt come anymore. so that made me think how much i wanted to pursue this... if i didnt want to go because they couldnt make it, then maybe i dont want it enough. so yeah, when i woke up i decided tt i would go, whether jason and derek were gg or not. thou it would be kind of intimidating to be nearly the only youth with darren in the midst of so many adults. and adults from HP tt kind de... hahaha.

then when i came online, seekiang said he would go! yay! hahaa. more people to go with would make it less sian, definitely. so yeah, i seriously have to get cracking on my revision before i spend an entire wednesday there. but really, i cant study. didnt study at all today. woke up, went to hougang, cane back n watched tv. -.-

OH YA, i watched that program, what's it called, on channel 8 de. some creativity show. and SP won!!! for their robot thingy. the yr 3s did it. ^.^ it was impressive lah. all the inventions by tp and ite(tampines) and another skl i cant rmb. it was a show mainly for the engineering faculty; cause most of the audience were guys. it kind of felt like the lifescience biz competition thingy we did in sec3.... the way they evaluated whther it would be applicable in daily use, the possibility in widespread usage etc.

and mygosh, singaporeans hv really bad chinese.. haha. im not criticising them, because i would be like them or worse if i went on a CHINESE show trying to explain my robot in TECHNICAL TERMS IN CHINESE. -.-" hahaa. it was really funny. they were talking in chinese then sprouting english terms halfway. hahaha. i was laughing in the room; my parents must hv thought i was crazy. hahahahaha. but it was amusing.

but it totally made me wanna brush up on my chinese. i dled an extension on firefox tt can show u e meaning of e chinese terms when u mouse over it, so hopefully that'll get me to read online chinese news, thou i don guarantee it. ^.^ anw, my dad was like telling me how he would get passed over for projs in china because he cant speak chi cause he is malaysian n learnt malay instead, so he kept telling me to get my chinese up to mark. haha... then... maybe i finally realised the importance of dialects too... after my dad spoke to me abt them with such vigor. hahaha. saying how in taiwan they speak chi and hokkien, pretty much how we macham malay, chinese, dialect n english tgt. ^.^ i think we are worse lah..hahaha. so tt time my dad went to taiwan he had a hard time. hahahaha. esp since they were talking computer terms in chi and hokkien; as if chi was not enuf. haha.

oh well better go n slp liao... actually was sleepy at 1am alr, just came online to make sure jason was not angry w me. lol. i thought everyone leaves their phone on 24/7 de.... scare me lahhh. -.-" then when i open convo he oso take so long to reply!! hahahah. my lifespan gonna be so shortened liao...

oh anw, if you read my blog, TAG!!! haha. =) i wont bite. promise. ^.^ hahahaa. just a simple tag like 'Hi' or something would be nice!! im getting so many views but so few tags.. hahaa. =)

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went to hougang mall by myself.. so sad right. haha. because bernice wanted to study at home. >_< so anyways... that ate up some money from my ez link card cause i had to buy glue gun, water bottle and collect my glasses. only to realise that since it's frameless, i forgot to tell them to de-polish it. so now i will see light reflections at the bottom rim, until i am not lazy enough to go back to hougang mall to ask them to send it back to the supplier to de-polish it. ARGGH. so ma fan. ><

so, because im bored, i shall narrate what i did today. woke up at 3, went to hougang mall, came back, glue gunned my clip cause the pretty silver butterfly was detatched from it, then tested if my new pink bottle was leaking. i did that behind daniel. he was too engrossed in playing age of empires to notice that his sister was shaking the bottle vigorously behind him. lol... that boy ar. psle coming soon liao still playing aoe. lol.. guys will be guys.

thursday going for family photoshoot.. this is free cause my mum paid for her business card photoshoot. so yeah, we will finally hv a proper family photo. haha. my dad wanted a family taekwondo one cause all of us except my mum are black belts, but sadly, i dont hv my black belt uniform. haha. that's cause when i was a green or blue, my knee problem had to arise, so i just continued tkd without doing running for warm-up. i just wanted my black... imagine going until green liao and giving it up.. that would be sian. so yea, since i figured that i cant go on after i get my black, i might as well not buy the uniform. not worth it.. it's like $100+. lol.. im just happy with the cert and card lah. soo... too bad... haha. but it'd be cool thou.

but.. i still rmb all the gradings and competitions... very scary. hahaha. then i rmb for all the pattern competitions, singapore poly also sent their group to take part. and they were pro okay. but, once my group beat theirs cause unfortunately, one of their members made a mistake. we only got gold by 1 mark or so.. haha...

sigh, but really, i think the stress was not worth it... i think my lifespan was shortened thru the tkd process lol. ok, maybe school exams is also a contributing factor, haha. but i rmb before all the gradings, i was so scared can!!! lol... before the grading my dad would be testing us... cause he got double promotion like thrice, so even thou he started later than us, he still got his black faster than us. -.-"

then i rmb during training sessions when we had to do split, me and my sis would always do liao then suan my dad. like "eh, see we can do leh..." hahahahahah. that was hilarious lah. kind of the only thing we could suan him about, cause in pretty much everything else he's better. hahahah.

sigh.. before exams i always feel like a duck being sent to the slaughter house. ><

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i hate exams. lol, who doesnt right. but yeahz, bernice managed to pin-point the root of my insomnia lol. im just fearful of exams. and unfortunately, i dont do anything about it. haha. i dont study when exams are approaching. i slack even more. non-conformist behaviour lol. in fact, during the O lvl period, i slept better than i had ever slept in sec3 and sec4. im such a queer creature.

i think studying before exams just makes me even more fearful. a subconscious signal that exams are something to be feared even more. or maybe im just thinking too much, because you are supposed to study for exams right? LOL. but i flunked almost every single test i took before Os. hahaz. cause i just didnt see the point. what to paper grades say about a person anyways; that he/she has the ability to mug? im still wondering whether the traditional method of paper testing should be abolished by the next decade. because frankly, i dont care about grades. it's such a superficial way of judging a person's value, and only leads to elitism.

on a lighter note, mum bought famous amos cookies back today... wahahaz. im such a chocolate lover. i wonder whether i will get diabetes soon. hahah.

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hm, any guesses what time i woke up today? XD 5pm. i must be nuts. slept from 4 to 5pm. that's 13 hours. ohmygoodness.

but i dont think ive felt so happy... love this feeling of nothing-to-do-ness; time to let go and relax. because there's so much going on, i just wanted to press the 'pause' button.

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darn. im just so addicted to tvxq songs. thank goodness kim sent me almost 30 songs.. hahaa. ^.^ but dont worry, i wont become another jaejoong fan.. haha.. i just love their songs; they're really nice. in comparison to songs made in taiwan esp; korean songs hv more variety in terms of rythmn and style. well, in my opinion that is.

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hm... today plans were all CANCELLED... photography and spse meeting. cause... i slept from 4 to 8, and even then, i was not sleeping actually, haha, still conscious. so took train from bishan to toa payoh, and when i was reaching tp, i thought i was going crazy.. like how come i felt so nauseous.. couldnt take it, walked out of the train and collapsed near a seat. lol... i bet the people were looking at me. haha. so a few trains passed by, full with people. i could feel their eyes on me. hahaahha. but really, i was too weak to even care.. look then look lah.. haha. not like at the end of the day they will tell their friends 'eh u know today i saw a girl faint on the mrt leh'. lol.. then the mrt people played this announcement 'if you're [dunno what] or feeling unwell, please use the lifts. thankyou.' i cant even get up still ask me use the lift?? hahahaa. i think the announcement was funny lah. XD

yeah, so after like 15 mins when i felt better, i called my dad to pick me up from HDB hub near tp station.. then came home and slept till 1.30. i thought having abt 4 hours slp would be enuf... after all last time it didnt hv such a great effect on me. but i guess i really have to value my sleep more... no more coming to class with 4 hours of sleep lol.. not that i do so anyways.

darn.... missed ccas.. but good thing it's ccas not exams or lessons. =/

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added a new link: my raves and rants. it's gonna be a compilation of what i type when im hyped up about something or when inspiration strikes. and queerly the occurences are becoming increasingly common nowadays... 0.o enjoy!

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right. the latest addition to my list of holiday to-dos:

TDM iX New Media Collaboration 2007!

ok. bernice got freaked out by it. haha. gg with infocomm people next tuesday. and im freaking myself out too... because im starting to feel like my interests are cloned from my dad. 0.o DNA make-up consisting of IT and business. gosh. and you know what i wanted to be last time?? dont fall off your seats. haha.

i wanted to be a teacher, child care worker tt kind. so not gonna happen can!! hahahaa. hm... how can one change so fast... with each week passing by, im discovering new sides to myself ive never seen before... new interests, new possibilities... the sky's the limit. you know, when i was younger, like, sec 3 sec 4 only, i told my parents "I will NEVER go into business!!" AND WHAT HAPPEN?? =/ oh man. and then before that i told my dad "NO WAY I WILL GO INTO THE IT INDUSTRY" ok i havent gone into the IT industry yet, but im like, inching nearer and nearer!! WHAT'S HAPPENING MAN??? does poly mould people into the kind of people they never expect themselves to be?? even when i came into sp, i never expected that i would have this sudden passion for IT. EVER. gosh im nuts. i must be going thru a phase or something. CAUSE I CANT STOP HAVING ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT. and im gonna learn how to dismantle and assemble a computer soon!! =/ gosh. my internal programming must have gone haywire.

but, im totally enjoying myself!! making awesome friends i never would have made if i stayed in my comfort zone. spse and spic people rock; God pleaseee keep it that way!! i want a change from before. i have never enjoyed school so much, EVER. and really, if you go poly to only get a diploma, you must be NUTS!!!! hahahaha. cause the opportunities available to you under the name of Singapore Polytechnic are ENDLESS!! like, where can you attend a photography training course for $3 you tell me???? or where can you learn how to organise events like IT show or learn software and hardware stuff without burning a hole in your pocket, and apply business theory into real life?? WOO, i make a great ambassador for sp. HAHHAA. XD

AHHH!!! SO. I WANNA GET MY GRADES UP TO MARK. SO THAT I CAN ENJOY MYSELF FULLY IN SPSE AND SPIC, or whatever other activities i wanna try out. im nuts im nuts im nuts... but... IM A HAPPY NUT. XD

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now at hougang mall de library w bernice and using her lappy... wahhahaa. behind us is the staff area then we keep hearing toilet flushing sounds... hahahahaha. nuts lah. then u know, we are sitting in the AH PEK corner. no choice can. cause here got power socket mah. then here is where all the ah peks take out slipper and read newspaper like it's their house like that. hahahahaha.

fyi, we were not studying. we were making her blog. hahahz. blogger got problem can... everytime i tried uploading the blogskin got xml error. irritating. i managed to use this blogksin because i used the old blogger and transferred to the new blogger. anyone who knows how to change this; offer your kind assistance! haz. maybe next time if i wanna make a new blog myself i'll use xanga or something. but i think it's not as user friendly as blogger. -.-

hm.... i holidays kinda sian. but nv go for navcamp cause i wanna relax myself... navcamp come back hv to sleep like 2 whole days... then cannot study summore. then you know, im like involved in soo many cca things... darren gonna kill me for committing so much into sp infocomm liao... hahaa. but anyways, here's my list of commitments: (bernice says im crazy too)

1) spic: SP IT fair, cscc maintainence (something like 2248 but it's a com room for students; in clementi), hardware and software training (told you im nuts)
2) spse: sub-com for pushcarts retail and 55 (not confirmed)
3) photography training this fri before spse meeting. (spur of the moment; decided only this afternoon when ber n i agreed to go tgt; otherwise i totally wouldnt go lah. actually kim want to go for photography de but she'll be in msia so oh wellz. =/ )
4) red cross
5) environment club

4 and 5 are only when they hv activities which are superly rare. and even then, i prolly only wanna do 'save the earth' projects like the recycling bins around sp (i DID dump my papers into there ok!! XD) unfortunately environment club mostly has trips to wetland reserves n stuff which im not so keen on, but yea, i just wanna save the earth lah. XD

then for red cross... only when they hv stuff i guess. but so far no notice. i figure everyone knows that i carry a medical case around with me right?? hahahaha. yeah. that's the nurse in me. wahhahaa. oh, then just now, i scared bernice again. cause her laptop someting wrong de lah, the acer people nv screw the plastic bottom in properly. SO. i took out this all-in-one set which comprises of screwdriver, cork opener, penknife blah blah blah, whatever tools u can think of. and it's only the size of a pen, but fatter lah. HAHA. she was like 'i think you more prepared for army than some guys lah!' HAHAHA.

hm. even now, im still bored. lol. ya got stuff to revise and work to do, but after that, must do cca stuff to relax right?? hahaa. then bernice asked me whether wanna join SB club. at first i was like, HUH.. because i didnt want to know so many SB people... for some reason lah. =/ but then come to think of it, isnt it good to know more SB people?? seriously lah... got problems can go to them. =) so stupid why didnt i think of that.. hahaha. and make more friends in SB also... yar, so dunno how lol. maybe next meeting go and see...

hmmz... beside me got one old man snoring... 0.o well good thing he's not directly beside me... abt 1 meter away.. haha.

ok im feeling high now. but i think later go home sure feel not so high. lol...

tmr i got a whole day at home by myself.. =/

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i cant believe i slept for nearly 12 hours straight. when for the past few days i naturally woke up after 8 hours. ok. rachel was bored. so she blogged about her sleeping pattern. lol. 0.o

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im tired.. just so tired. dont want to wake up and think that i have MSTs right after these hols. dont want to think of you everyday because i want the best for you. dont want to prepare for stupid exams which drain away my energy. i dont mind presentations; at least they're applicable. but ive gone thru too many tests whereby the tested content is forgotten so fast. what's the use. dont want to chase grades anymore... i feeling the same way i felt during the o level period; there's more to life than academics. a delicate balance.. i feel like im falling over.

i gave up on my Os; anyone would tell you that. because i felt the same way; too much emphasis on academics never does anyone any good. too much knowledge makes one inward looking.

a stream which doesnt have water flowing out of it becomes stagnant and salty; inappropriate for produce. that's why; i want to do so many other things than study... but constricted by the thought of MSTs, they draw me back. spic and spse.... please take up my time... each time this feeling comes back, im willing to give it all up... whatever dreams and hopes of success, just so that i dont become the kind of person i dislike.

hence, i never like to be labelled as studious. i was willing to give up jc partly because of that; i dont want to be a 'mugger'. thou right now, exams seem like the most important thing, we are not defined by our grades; dont ever think that. each individual is so much more than how the government classifies us; or how society classifies us.

when i imagined how the moe has a whole list of L1R5 scores, ranging from 0 pointers to the end, i just shudder. how can they categorize human beings according to numbers... ok, fine if it's to facilitate PAE and JAE, but the worst thing is, society has adopted this methodology of classifying people according to their results. but take a look at the real world; were the greatest people in history ever the brightest in their country?

look at albert einstine; he was thought to be incapable of learning. or more in the modern world; are the more successful people brainacs in math, science, or had near perfect GPA scores? if you examine their lives, you would realise that many of them had below average grades in school, or did not even complete tertiary education. and i can cite many examples from forbes.

so why are we so concerned over grades... i came to poly to escape the jc regime, but im realising that im not nearly as close to escaping it as i thought i was, though my situation is better. having read the assessment process of schools from other countries, i seriously question the reliability in grading students according to their ability to memorise, or even applying concepts out of textbooks onto exam papers.

it does not make much sense, considering that a significant amount of the content we shove into our heads will be emptied out soon after the exams are over. true, it trains our minds, but many of the most successful people in the world, did not complete formal education for a REASON.

ok. i feel like this post is worthy of a space in the straits times forum. LOL. i realise my english gets cheem when i want to prove a point. or maybe it's because requests and arguements are paid more attention to when one is polite. lol either way.

one day i shall become the education minister and tweak the education system. lol... this adds to the list of the gazillion things i want to change in singapore. lol..

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sigh.. living like that... is equivalent to not living at all.. a life without you. all i can do is... trust in your character and patiently wait..

went out to hougang mall with bernice... went there early to make new glasses... my astig increase. >.<


and i bought a new file.. uploaded the pic but it's giving me alot of htmp probs so i removed it. anw... im happy cause the colours are yummylicious and i got it for $3.50 when most of the files are around $6... hahaha... couldnt believe how expensive files in popular are... -.-"

anyways, trying to study was hopeless.... cause we were in holiday mood. think we will only feel the urgency earliest next week, so i shall do whatever i like to do for now.

so far... activities planned are: student entrepreneur 'tea party'. i find that quite amusing cause it reminds me of alice in wonderland that two siao siao creatures having a tea party. HAHA. =P i didnt wanna go but then darren psycho me... hahahahaha. X) and anyways, i'll be super sian at home so might as well. that's on friday..

hmz. my life's gonna be quite bland from now.. =x

just thought abt something while reading kim's blog... her love for jaejoong is really so deep... love can make us a better person... change for the better.... love is really so so powerful.... it's the essence of life; the reason we keep on living.

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hm... so anyways... been so very tired recently. holidays are supposed to be meant for studying for exams right? but wahhaa, ive been learning photoshop and fireworks. that's my current interest... and yea, occasionally i still think about infocomm club.. went for the 'interview' yesterday, when it was more like a get-to-meet the seniors session. they havent called me for anything up to now... prolly wait a few more days and see how. it's gonna be such an experience learning from all the da ges... cze the number of girls in infocomm are.... I DUNNO. i just realised that. lol. i thought everywhere i go, i see girls who are good at coms...? how come they not in infocomm club... then ytd when i went there, i was hesitant to enter, it was a room full of guys for goodness' sake. then sy was like, getting edgy liao, hahahaha, yes, i think i was like a silly thing standing near the door but refusing to enter. HAHAHA. CANT BLAME ME!! yes, sy would hv entered.. hahaha that bold girl. XD

but anyways. during the 'interview', i realised that i was talking like a guy. in terms of hardware, software, whatever... well maybe it was jen's influence during the sp campus tour.. hahaha. she's someone i look up to manz.... able to connect w anyone anywhere. she can be standing at the foyer and be waving continuously for 5 mins. hahahaha. and she's on director's honour roll in electrical and electronic engineering or something like that. hahaha. power manz. XD

anyways, they asked me what stuff i can do... then sy was so entertained she said that maybe she'll join too. haha. MAYBE. then she asked whether need to know computers then can join, and they said "we don put up a sign that says only people who know computers can join right?" hahah. well, currently i feel uneasy abt it, cause, i didnt see any girls there so far!! *faints* but lol, im supposed to be used to it right; the only pple my age at nav are guys. -.-"

so anyways... they hv quite alot of activities... and i'll prolly get to learn software and hardware. which means i will be able to assemble a com? hahaha. (yes jul i know yr com knowledge and ability very good lah, hahaha. maybe u should join infocomm too!! hahaa. XD)

so anyways... bernice and sy enjoyed the 'interview' process as well... they said it was entertaining... hahahaa. ya the people are nice lahz. =)

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sleepy.. tired.

had management in the afternoon... then statistics. man. it's just the usual. exams are coming. oh. and highlight of the day. i joined sp infocomm club... weee. hahaha. it's gonna be so fun. *grins*

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wellz. main highlight of the day was IDEA presentation. wore formal and heels... pics in friendster. had management before IDEA... went ok..

sigh. IDEA..... well, i figure the lecturers will want nearly all their students to get Bs or As lah, so wont think so much abt this presentation. he gave us another chance... present more stuff the next time we come back for idea.

bernice and i were really sian when we came outta the classroom.. thought that everything was finally over and we can dont think abt idea anymore, but no... hv to go back and do presentation again.oh well..

it's like 1.30am and i cant sleep. mainly tmr is mob and stats... at least ive done my work... for stats.

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weee.... i think planning for IDEA presentations are fun... thou for the amount of work we've done... we'd better get an A.... but sigh, low expectations.. low expectations.. haha.

i just want to take a breather.... and take a break. things are getting slightly meaningless... tiring... draining. need to make some changes in my life, reorganise my priorities, some little decisions... that will change my course i'm taking in life. these little decisions... will eventually mould me into the person i will become. as they say, decisions make or break you.

im being kinda abstract.. =) haha. well. just for the purpose of thought organisation.

well anyways. econs burned my brain... only because i forgot tt we had to do the past yr ca, so i was doing it in advance while she was going thru. so that was rushed. lol... anyways... im being random cause i have nothing to say but i just wanna relax my brain by typing.. im supposed to be hungry for dinner now but im not... cause i ate dinner in skl which was like a big plate of noodles+vege+curry which = to $1.40. mygosh... in sec skl it would hv been like $2.50. seriously.... i think they earn so much in sec skl man. cant believe poly food is cheaper. what a rip off. i feel so cheated. 0.o

hougang tmr with bernice.. since neither of us can ever study at home... then she has guitar at 3.30... and in june hols we plan to do the same thing... with loads of movie watching slotted in between. =DD yayy lets see, we have transformers, fantastic 4, shrek 3.. WOOTS. it's a movie month manz, as nearly all holidays are. ^.^

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ooooh... i absolutely have to type down my experience in calling people.. haha. cause got the imakeadeal thing in sp entrepreneur club, so i had to call people to pick up their books and/or money from us THEN. i tell u guys the funny thing. cause my contacts were mostly girls right, but got 1 guy, then i realised that the girls were actually more impolite than the guy!!! HAHAHAHA. then when i told that to darren (my boss) that, he said tt he got similar experience; that the opposite sex is more polite. HAHAHAHAH. WHAT DOES THAT TELL US??? XD

and to think that i was actually more scared calling the guy in comparison to the girls... i think somehow i have the impression that all guys are bo chap and have the bo chap attitude and sound bo chap. HAHAHA. so, i guess the things that we think are more fearsome may actually be easier and better after all... hahaha... my first time being in charge of calling people... eye opener... and YES i was scared lah. hahaha. so from now on... i shall be polite to whoever calls me to tell me stuff... not like im not polite already... hehee. XD

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fun day today... as it always is with my two wacky friends sy and ber. =) thank goodness for such amazing friends to go thru poly with.. =D well.... had accounts in the morning.... did my work liao and answers are correct so it was easier for me. unlike usually when my answers are like, all wrong... haha.

oh but anyways. i shall narrate this story of my most spectacular display of non-conformist behavior. hahaha. woke up at 7, got onto the horribly crowded mrt by 8, decided that i actually could have taken mrt thru jurong east to dover which i thought would hav been faster and less crowded. so anyways i got so fed up with the horrible amount of people squeezing in the carriage and went out of the mrt at orchard. took bus and walked to redhill and still MANAGED to get to school on time. muahaha. so today i was really kinda moody because of the morning rush and having so many people squeezing beside me. think im gonna hv to do something about it.... change my route or something.

so.... during break before effective communication, we were at the lib and i was half sleeping, occasionally waking up and scaring ber and sy to contribute my inputs. hahaha. then sy said she brought her webcam so we could take pics!!! heheheee. and that woke me up and made me much much happier. =DD heheee. will post them up on friendster as well as the other pics that ber owes me...hahaha anw, bernice says that im easy to hong2 to be happy.. hahaha. that time when i met her at hougang macs and ate a 50cent ice cream, i told her i was on the top of the world. hahahahaa. then taking pics can perk me up so fast and make me go from moody to happy.. hahahaha. wellzz... that's me. hahahah.

yeah so we had effective communication... the only part i found rewarding was when teacher told us our oral grades... hard work actually pays off... A+. =D when i actually thought the teacher could literally FEEL my fear in speaking to her and i was repeating my points like nuts. 0.o IDEA took me by surprise too... actually got an A when my model was SUPERLY SIMPLE. simple until i just made a ball and pulled spokes out of it. it takes like what, 15 mins to do??? hahahahaha. because i had actually tried to make a phoenix for like two days until i got REALLY sian and gave up.

anyways, after he was like commenting on other people's model and saying that it looks like and pro and blah blah blah, i was sure i was gonna get C or max B. hahaa. but cause i said my model is an antacid substitute which can absorb the excess HCL in yr stomach and some science stuff with my VERY vivid and far-fetched imagination... thank goodness.... wahhaaz.

well... so i shall always keep my expectations LOW, like maybe for every subject i expect to fail bah, so tt even if i get C or D or B or what, i'll be like, WOW. hahahahahahah. =D actually, tt time when we were getting our O level results, i was really so scared tt i couldnt even get into poly. hahahahaaa. then when they had the presentation that JAE could apply for ITE, i thought to myself; EH, I SHALL EXPECT TO GO TO ITE. XD HAHAHAHAHA. IM SERIOUS. THAT'S HOW I THOUGHT. XD hahahahaha. cause to me... it doesnt really matter where i end up..... i know i will still live on.... heck care whatever standard of living thing... i'll still live right... and anyways to me, as long as i do my best, i have no regrets.

weeeee..... hving low expectations make life easier manz. hahahaah.

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wow... havent blogged in abt two days...

as im constantly introduced to a new world; a new society, the urge to conform arises. i miss wearing uniforms. sort of. i miss crescent. really. a world of innocence; free to let me be who i want to be. not being pressured by the world to look this way or that, or to change so many things. i wish living was easier.

i hate perfectionism... humans are limited in so many ways; and yet why do we expect ourselves to climb higher, go do more, to do better.... when we know we've reached our limit...? perfectionism... it's good to know when to stop... when to go against the expectations others have imposed on us, because we know ourselves best.

i want more in life.... i dont want to be stuck in the same place. yet, it's hard to change; to do things differently. people resist change. I'm thinking more... about more things. life's not that narrow to me anymore... it's no longer all about studies. not everything is about doing well in exams. there are so many other factors which define success... the current education system merely provides us with a shrunken definition of success; academic. but instead of blaming the system, do things differently then.. there are so many people who have done so; charted their own course, created their own lives. the bold ones who dared to do the extraordinary; to put in the extra effort.

so many thoughts. i wish living was easier.

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