i think this world is very funny. or just that it works in queer ways.

in life, you will meet nice people and not so nice people. for some nice people, you thought they were nice; then they do something which hurts you. but then again, people make mistakes, so you cannot blame them. and also because you are human too; so you make mistakes as well. so sometimes, even when you think you're nice, you can do wrong stuff too.

but there are some nice people, who are nice for life. it's rare to find such people. but it's not that they will never fail you. human nature is such that no one is perfect. we all say and do things we dont mean, one time or another.

it's just unfortunate if you meet one of those nice people, but they do something which really hurt you. and you're scarred for life.

but; i dont wish to harbour anything. i cannot. because i know that sometimes i do things which hurt people too.

i dont like my life. i dont like living. i don understand how come bad things can happen to good people. they dont deserve bad things happening to them. whether we deserve the bad things happening to us or not. but sometimes, people dont deserve bad stuff happening to them. it's a fallen world we live in.

but im thankful of the many people in my life who blessed my life in so many ways. i wish i could return that bit of joy they've given me. maybe one day i will be able to .. but till then, i thank God for them.

i was asking eunice, my sis, how come sometimes we think something given to us is good, but some time later, it seems to be a bad thing. then when we think the thing is good, we thank God, but when it turns bad, we get angry at God. then she told me that; we should thank God for times of joy and times of suffering.. but it's really really hard to do. i cant even do that. im still shallow to only be happy with God when things are going ok. but i cant thank him when things are going bad.

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OHMYGOSH i cant believe how dumb i can get. i actually posted a cd blog post on dba 23. STUPID!!!! and i spent like 30 mins on that topic. foreign talent in singapore. SOMEONE KILL ME. GOODNESS GRACIOUS.

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OHMYGOODNESS what is this obsession with facebook??? i signed up for a while only and got so many notifications. wayyy more than friendster manz. to the point that im considering abandoning facebook until many years later; when the peer pressure gets too much and i give in. hahaa. so i guess for now i'll let my notifications stagnant? haha. just that i dont seem to find anything worthy of my time that comes out of it. period.

im such a slacker. so much revision to do alr, it's sunday and i havent started on revision. well; save for copying the lecture notes from bb to my notes. goodness whenever i listen to lectures; my mind automatically shuts off. not like im doing other things anyways. most of the time i find that im only copying notes. it used to be better when stuff that teachers say could actually penetrate my brain. now it seems that their words just hit my ears and fall to the ground. which means that the time i spend in lectures is near worthless. goodness. what am i doing with my life; really. just waiting for 2 more years to pass so that i can look forward to a more exciting future at work or at uni? lessons are a bore. lolx. the only time when i actually get stuff into my head is when i revise myself. which effectively is the time period right before exams.

fom presentation is coming. and i know that non of us have the motivation to do it at all. it's just so easy to sink into our default status. it's also very very hard to get people to do work during e learning; or weekends. i really dont like to ask people to do project during the weekends. unless it's due the next day. cause i feel that weekends it's resting time. some may be out with family, some sleeping, some surfing the net to relax.. it's just not fair to make people work on weekends. hope we will be able to finish our fom by this week.

just remembered that my family will be gg to nz this wed. no big deal to me, really. at least it'll be peace and quiet. not that my house is noisy usually. lolx.

stuff happened between my sis and my dad. and i cant believe she still is ok with going to nz with them. i would gladly not go. parents are one of the main reasons why im dying to rent. aside from the time i spend on transport each day. many times i find myself thinking that if i were a parent; i'll do things differently. we keep wanting to improve to reach the ideal, but even if i change the way i bring up my children; there will still be times when i wish that i had done things differently. there is no perfect solution.

many a time i feel that my life is messed up. but there are many more people out there whose lives are more messed up than mine.

mst week; spending 1 hr 15 mins gg to school and another 1 hour coming back. someone take my life away before transport time drains away my soul.

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it's saturday already and i havent touched my work yet. loads to do. so here's a list of the stuff to do.

accounts
-past yr ca papers (2)
-copy notes from bb

econs
-copy econs notes
-e learning quiz

cd
-go to mabellee.wordpress.com and post
-cip on saturday

fom
-project
-individual 1 pg write up on singaporean's company on market positioning by wk 8(see bb)

itab
-revision exercise
-importing and exporting

sypc
-quiz and assignment

stats
-revision paper
-elearning quiz

that should be about it. jiayou all. :)

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finally the week has ended. im really tired of taking 1 hour 15 mins to get to school each day. in the crowded mrt today; i was seriously contemplating transferring to nyp. but i know that it will be a bad idea in the end; cause i would be unfair to myself for messing up the module grading thingy for my poly education. so i dont have a choice. it's sp all the way for 2 more years. just have to live with it.

oh. im typing on my 'new' plastic covered keyboard. it's soft and has that rubbery feeling. haha. bought this keyboard protector thingy from the sp fair. $14.90 i think. then bought a webcam for $19 just in case there are situations when i need it. anyway the webcam is so small it can be clipped onto my laptop.

really tired of travelling to school. tired of travelling. in the first place. when i get home i can be so drained out that i dont want to do any work. explains my lack of tutorial completion. lol. which is why im such a fan of technology; video conferencing and such. often; i dream that im able to get my diploma through video conferencing. imagine a school whereby you stay at home behind your computer for lectures, and maybe just go down to school for one or two whole days for tutorials. after all, we cannot do without class interaction, can we? but well; such things only exist for distant learning degrees or diplomas, for which i do not have the financial capability to do so.

for last semester, i knew i had this fatigue problem, so all my stats tutorials were done during the e learning week. all the tutorials until the end of the semester. haha. doubt i have time to do that this sem. my accounts is dying and the teacher's not gonna go thru the past year papers. not for stats either. which is bad cause i can already predict that there will be parts i will not know how to do.

all this time; im feeling a constant pressure to diversify my abilities. im sounding like a working adult preparing for work life. LOL. but the constant thought of me not being able to go to uni still frightens me. nothing is this world is absolute; especially when my hard work for last semester didnt pay off. there are many, many, countless instances of people and times whereby hard work is not repaid by success. hence sometimes i find myself telling myself to learn new stuff; like adobe programmes. so far my mind has chosen to listen to me for photoshop, flash and dreamweaver; but right now ive descended into this slump whereby ive grown tired it.

as for working experience; maybe i'll work during the holidays only. my mum agrees as well; cause i guess working during the weekends will still be tiring. but every weekend without fail; or once i have time; i find myself reading forums. and subconsciously i blame myself for this sudden urge to read proper stuff like current affairs and finance. i think im too hard on myself!! well if i seem too much of a slacker sometimes; it's because i had a perfectionist nature. previously. long time ago. even now, people still tell me i look like a triple science student. hahahaha. but the people around me will know that, that cannot be further from the truth. haha.

this elearning week is going to be an absolute horror. it's the few times since poly's started that i actually feel stressed. i guess as we proceed to year two and on; it'll get more hectic? but i see jason; yr 3 and very free leh. 0.o exception? HAHA.

but im really thankful for such wonderful people ive met in poly. i dont feel like only studies matter in poly. it's more of a balanced lifestyle thingy. because mugging can only get you a little way here. im still glad i stuck to my choice; thou... i find myself wishing i was in nyp many times. i really am an idealist!! XD

darn... i do feel bad about not going for the spic camp.. but i know it'll totally wreck up my sleeping timing and i wont be able to revert back. qiao mei also agreed with me... that why people like camps so much..? hahaha. im a homey. i love my room. i love the peace and quietness. maybe it's cause i get easily affected by noise. hahaha. esp mrt and the bus whirring noises. and noise can cause increased levels of stress you know!! haha.

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OHMYGOSH i think im gonna go deaf with my laptop emitting this BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ sound when it runs on battery. it's like a bee humming away. and i just had peace once i plugged in my adapter. peace at last.

today... woke up at 7 to reach itab at 8.20. good thing the class was late as well. haha. then had econs... seriously i can just go to sleep whenever she teaches. then marketing lecture.. george teo thinks im playing game during his lecture. he said 'sure you listening to my lecture or not? dont play game arh!' when we met him on the stairs. i dont play games.. not really anyways. even grew tired of dtx mania cause i crazed myself playing a ddr game some time ago. haha. so hurt that george teo thinks i play game during his lecture.. haha..

then had fom tutorial... basically he briefed us for like 1 hour before we had 2 hours to do our own discussions. im going crazy with this project man... then still got another 30% one upcoming. NUTZ. and elearning wk is gonna hv so many assignments. on top of studying for mst wk. CRY CRY CRY.

but i think poly life has been relatively slack le... just that once stuff comes in it really pours in. but i think the jc pple have it worse. everyday stuff pours in for them. haha. hope everyone can promote yeah. =)

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today was the prime minister's visit to cssc.. woke up at like 7 and reached there at 8.15 liddat.. still early. then basically we organised a flash game competition for the children who came there. slept about 6 hours only.. when i got home i was so sleepy i slept from 3 to 7. goodness. i think i dun need to slp tonight le.

installing the driver for my printer that was lost some time ago... hope it works.. everytime have to go to the other room to print... argh.. need to print out my crs essay also... why cant we just send her an email then she mark from there arh.. save trees.. 0.o

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read some info about harvard in hwz.. they accept 9% of applicants. liddat have to use alot of stamps, papers and envelopes hor. XD

oh here's some cool stuff to read.. XD

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

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A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.

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A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

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Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

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Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

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XD

OH. and here's a hilarious song about facebook. XD



song goes something like this.

Facebook, Facebook, Facebook
Facebook, Facebook, Facebook
When I want you as my friend
An email to you
They will send
Saying that you have a friend request
On Facebook, Facebook
When I want you to confirm my friend request
And determine if you ever see me then you will say YES
Facebook, Facebook
I could then poke you
You can poke me too
Any time of the d
Only trouble is
FACEBOOK I'm wasting my life away
I need you so Facebook
I want you so that's why I (couldnt hear that bit)
Whenever I stalk you (or this bit)
My Facebook
Facebook, Facebook, Facebook
Won't you be my friend...

im like... obsessed with crazy stuff these few days man. hahaa. XD

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WAHOO!!!!! CRS CAN BE TYPED OUT AT HOME!! WHOOHOO!! save the teacher from my horrendous handwriting. LOLx. and save myself from going to crs with a half-cooked brain from waking up early and being expected to write an essay on some article. POOH. know why we are allowed to do our test at home? cause of her failing eyesight. HAH. ALL TEACHERS SHOULD HAVE FAILING EYESIGHT!! THEN WE CAN SAVE THE TREES AND SAVE MY BRAIN!! XD

oh. have been getting alot of email to join facebook. but i cannot join leh. cause singapore polytechnic is not listed as a school or something. dunno larh. so sianz. hahaa.

today itab in the morning.. sho sleepy... but go there hv lesson not that sleepy le. but she started at like 8.30 and i was there at 8.10 sia. next time i should come at 8.30. haaha.

fast forward econs... then had marketing lecture and tut... hv to do more for presentation... got alot to do sia... then 15% only... goodness... in the end it's the memorising for exam which makes any difference at all. lolx.

tmr 8.45 accounts. then 2 hours break. wake up at 7am. I WANT TO BUY A FLYING CONTRAPTION SO THAT I CAN FLY TO SCHOOL. XD

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gosh..... how to wake up for itab tmr.. what a stupid timing; 8am for lesson. OHMYGOSH. *faints*

oh i just remembered that my family is going to new zealand during the holidays. 1 to 15 nov. the best thing is?? IM NOT GOING WITH THEM. XD haha. and thankfully not. cause i really, really, really hate plane flights. last time went to hk alr was 6 hours to and fro. this time would be more than 10 hours to there. eh this trauma of plane flights shuang leh. save alot of $ next time. hahahaha. XD cause you know why? i detest the feeling of nausea on planes. not enough to get you puking; but just plain annoying. so yea. i'll be like home alone for that period. keke.

why teachers like project so much arh. after this fom trial one got the real one. they good.

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kao... tmr hari raya... jc people got holiday... then i didnt know whether got holiday or not... then i asked jason..

rachel: eh jason, tmr got school?
jason: of coz la, you awake already not?

LOLX. i always sleeping meh. XP

eh i feel very sad leh.... actually im not doing very well in poly liaoz. but... it's gotta hurt more to have given a chance at jc, but it just didnt turn out right. sometimes, the formula to good grades is not equivalent to the amount of hours you put into your studies. ive gotten that so many times... which is why ive been talking about 'the world not turning out as i hope it to be'. cause more often than not, there are many other factors to success.

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just updated my involvement in cca... and i realised that it's ALOT.... hahahahaa.... but now only year 1; so not in charge of any projects yet. phew.

so far i tell you guys what i have....
prime minister's visit to cssc, IT show, student's pushcart.. okay lah not alot; but quite a few are done liao.... and i dont think i have it bad at all... i think darren and aaron have it the worst cause they're the head of the projects... lolx...

then got character development cip also...

read in the forums; somebody with gpa 3.57 cannot go uni. sad manz. but maybe he applied for engineering course that's y cannot get in. then heard someone say 'go uni very easy one; just whether you can stay in there'. lolx. true to an extent? if you just want NUS that brand name you apply for faculty of arts and social sciences; asian studies or something like that. seriously i dont know where that can take you in life. hahaa. go be teacher or something. lolx.

was thinking about teachers.. then i found it quite funny... that people with arts degree usually become teachers... study so hard to be a teacher... then the vicious cycle of preparing students for EXAMS exams and more exams continues...

seriously man... i dont know what i really want to do in life... or which job i want to take. for now; i only know that im in business course. haha. im just finding that my course of life is changing bit by bit; sometimes when i think it should be going this way, it goes the other way. im finding doors closed; new doors open that ive never thought about... but whatever it is; life is still so unpredictable.

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satistics spss test today. okay lah. see results first. but 1 thing i know. i still have not outgrown carelessness. i was pretty much still spacing out as i was doing the paper; cause of sleepiness. the same thing which happened for my first econs CA which resulted in crappy marks. ugh.
then accounts tutorial. then home.

but anyways. how could time pass by so fast. jc1s have finished their promos already; getting back papers. goodness. i know they're continually experiencing that dread of exams, the 24/7 mugging thing. something im feeling stray to. lolx.

as my life unfolds before me; im just getting more and more worried. the way life doesnt work out the way we think it should.

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as usual, and as bernice would say; i only mostly get upset over IT stuff. and this time; im regretting having not thinstalled my applications like microsoft office and web design apps. this means i cannot take them in a thumbdrive and use them wherever i want without bringing my laptop. oh sadness. then previously i was sad cause i dont think i can install virtual pc on my laptop; cause it's home premium. incompatible. mua ish sad. XP

ok back to earth from IT land. finally can get my pay. after so long. haha. cause of some delays here and there.

kaoz. so many projects. lets see. fom, cd, what else... i only know that our teachers keep chasing us for assignments, projects, and tests. arghh.

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UGH. im gonna so hate tomorrow. save me. have to wake up at like 6.30am. ohmygosh. and suffer itab. shall not complain. lolx.

it's not fair that when i was young; i didnt know any better. that we take after the people we are in contact with blindly. wish i knew better. but it's all in the past now. now that im old enough to make my own decisions; do things the way i know should be done.

printer network not working. GAH.

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went out with debbie and claire yesterday.. watched 'the nanny diaries'. if that's even what it's called. haha. show at 3 was full. so we took the 7.20 one. goodness. lesson learnt. never take such a late show. we were bored for so long. haha.

i think im going through alot of phases leh. i got this movie phase. then got a political blog-reading phase. then got a forum-reading phase. haha.

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goodness... when i woke up i was so upset that i woke up at 6am. hahhaa. cause; really didnt get enough sleep!! thou i slept at 12am. kaoz. did statistics software, then had accounts. at least after a few more hours i was more awake. well, im awake now without having to sleep in the afternoon.

oh, the afternoon was torture. i think it was food poisoning. think the minced pork in the ban mian me kim and ber ate today is undercooked... kaoz... or unless, my stomach is really too sensitive... well anyways. i had a horrible afternoon. was feeling faint all the time i was in clubhouse. and im also having period cramps, so that really makes it worse. i had to leave the meeting in the middle of it cause i really couldnt take it. thank goodness i met ber at the mrt there. when i finally managed to walk near her i just sat on the bus stop ground while waiting for my mum. lolx. i always do such things... so often im too weak to even stand; and i wont bother about how people see me. i will just sit on the floor if i need to. i guess sometimes i can be that headstrong. dont care if others think im weird or doing things out of the ordinary. if i find a good reason to do it, i'll do it.

well. so it's actually still pain now. i got a sensitive tummy manz. hahaha. oh something very funny today in spic. cause we were waiting for the rest to come; then i took out my bottle to drink. and they were like 'your bottle is like a milk bottle!! so small!! i drink one mouthful i can finish it all already!' then the guys took out their bottles and put it beside mine; and mine looked like a dwarf compared to theirs. hahahaa. i would have taken a picture; but often i dont bother uploading pictures. haha. too lehcheh.

watched 'she's the man'. borrowed from the library. funny show. XD amanda bynes always has this exaggerated comicality about her, even thou she has long hair and looks demure. hahaah.

oh. and the guys said that im movie-deprived. just because i watched 'cars' the movie in clubhouse. lolx. and yes apparently i havent watched a movie in 5 months i think. so somehow now i seem to be borrowing dvds from the library regulary. cause downloading torrents could have virus in them and i dont wanna risk it. and our lib is so regulary updated can... they keep buying new books until i feel sad that the books sit on the shelf and nobody really reads them. i think only the dvds are in high demand. haha. oh and the music cds too.

dont think i'll be able to sleep well tonight. my stomach still hurts can. haha. it's cramps. the one thing i truly hate about being a girl; is periods. there were many times i wanted to die just cause of cramps. which tells you how bad they can be.

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it's 11.30pm now. and im not sleeping. and i have to wake up at 6am tomorrow. ohmygosh why on earth did i choose a school so far from my house. actually i only chose sp cause of it's name; seriously. cause singapore sounds nicer than nanyang. gahh. kaoz. just emailed them to ask if i have to restart an entire year if i really transfer.

and lolx. the lecturer had to stop teaching cause he forgot to bring adapter. hahaha.

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today was quite sian.. had accounts in the morning which was almost all theory and can be readup on by ourselves. lolx. then got 2 hour break... i watched 'monster house' in the library with bernice trying to study pacc beside me. wakaka. eventually she was enticed by monster house and watched it too. haha. it's been so long since ive watched a movie sia.. love that feeling of satisfaction when it's over... hahaa.

then had fom... okay lah. normal.. then had gems... topic was on hackers.. which reminds me i have yet to do my online quiz. lolx. oh the lecturer had to end early cause his fujitsu laptop ran out of battery. which is so diaoz. hahaha. ended at like 2pm.

then went for accounts make-up paper.... which is quite stupid actually... cause i got 47/100 for my exam, then the max marks i can get is 50/100 even if i get more than that. so effectively if i convert that into the percentage of the whole year, i'll only get 0.6 more marks. sian-ded.

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i dont like to be controlled. wonder if im just rebellious by nature.

yet i keep getting myself into these silly situations. only to find myself trying to crawl out of those holes in the end. reminded of the decisions i made in the past and stuck to them; only to realise that i didnt need to be put through all that torture after all.

and i find that im putting myself in the same situations... and wondering whether they would pay off. whether the stress is worth it. sometimes, i want to relax. sometimes, i want to push myself. sometimes, i need to wind down; but what ive committed to doesnt let me do so.

i wish i knew perfectly what i wanted. what would be the best for myself. i wish that life could be more clear.

on a lighter note. i emo finish le. XD actually not that i emo alot lah. just occasionally. but God took that occasionally and reduced it to seldom. and on those rare occasions that i look back and hurt, i ask; and God takes it away... but i wasnt truely healed without fasting. christians fast too. haha. it was something i never thought would be good to do; but it was the only thing that i was not doing which was preventing me from being emotionally healed. rar. this is sounding 'religious' liao lah. don get scared lah. haha.

cant believe how fast the week has gone by.

oh you know. today, the mrt was HORRENDOUSLY CROWDED. as always. lolx. grrr. it's things like these which make me contemplate transferring to nyp. which is like, 1 bus ride away from my house. and why do i live in angmokio? well, because my house is right next to lorong chuan mrt. which is on the circle line. which is 20 mins from buona vista mrt on the circle line. which will be up in 2010. yeah. i love my parents for underestimating the amount of years needed for the circle line to be up. haha. cause they thought it would be up by 2006. so people. develop your comprehension skills well. otherwise you'll end up moving into a new house in 2005 and thinking that you can travel around singapore within minutes cause of the circle line. haha. im not being mean to my parents lah. just saying, expect the unexpected. but well, i think the reports on the circle line hv been quite vague. many people hv interpreted it in different ways. that it'll open in 2006, 2008, 2010... lolx. vagueness.

was sad today in the morning. cause i just realised something. that my 'today' newspaper that i suscribed to, comes at 8am in the morning everyday. which is really bad. which means that i cant read it on the mrt everyday to school. yucks. i should have been more thoughtful and called them up to ask what time it would be delivered everyday. sheesh. the stupid things i do. somehow, my brain seems to refuse to operate unless i read the newspaper in the morning.

i should transfer to nyp. right??? lolx. but imagine u tell pple you are from nyp then they say 'isnt that where tammy comes from?' lolx. it's like graduating from middlesex university. hahaha. cause during my previous securing your pc lecture, the lecturer was from middlesex university. then he put that in his introductory lecture slide, and all the guys were laughing about it. and the lecture hall is 90% filled with guys. LOLX. and we know that they are more excited about such stuff than girls are. haha.

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