what happens if i've found something i've wanted for very long; will i be able to appreciate it..? or will the passion fade; despite it being long-awaited for? waiting adds value to it... a longing which will be harder for it's importance to fade in the time to come.

went to hougang mall's challenger with bernice after school.. bought a speaker+earpiece and snapball. i wanted speedball. they labelled wrongly. end up i cannot get a refund or exchange. haiz.

then. reached home and tried out the speaker+earpiece. couldnt work at first. then i checked my msn settings. -.-' sigh. so it turned out that i didnt actually need to buy a new one. sigh. oh well. my old one's quality is very bad. though i only bought it for $2 less than this one.

realised that my laptop is seriously lacking in alot of features. no webcam, no integrated mike and bluetooth. sigh. should hv bought asus. BLAH. the result of ignorance. *shakes head*

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just realised that... xanga is really much better than blogger. well, they have their pros and cons. dont think xanga allows you to edit a .com site thru it; but blogger does. but blogger has not been accepting 99.999% of the codes i developed. so cannot change blogskin. xanga is really much more user-friendly. however, i think i'll drive people crazy if i change my blog ad again; so i shant bother. only thing is that i wont be able to change blogskin anytime soon. 0.o

was trying to manually make a blogskin... then pasted it into blogger. even thou i used dreamweaver, which means that the html coding are near perfect as possible alr, blogger still doesnt accept it. siann. then i went to xanga to try... didnt accept either; but saw that there's this simplified version to make a blogskin. so user-friendly. maybe one day we need not learn html anymore? considering that you can make a blogskin without needing to touch html in xanga.

my first ever blog design. ^.^














i know it's very simple; but it's my first ever design. ^.^ haha. unfortunately i cant put it up.. oh well... unless i move to xanga.. oh well. =/

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been doing itab for 3 hours and i only finished 4 of 6 assignments. kao lah. supposed to finish doing all in 1.5 hours. HOW??? nuts. im taking like 4 times the amount of time to do them. -.-"

then, thinking about how itab is only 2 credit units... fine yeah, just try my best to finish everything. but unfortunately the only A i got for is itab, and it's 2 freaking credit units. walaoz. and mob HAD to be 6 credit units. goodness. the world is so unfair....

sigh. so many things seem important to complete. but when time passes, those things are belittled and fade in importance. and gradually, you'll realise the meaninglessness of doing so much; putting in so much effort. sigh. life is meant to be hard. but why why why...

what do past efforts matter... what does psle or Os matter now? they dont.. blah im just being cynical. 0.o

so what if i got A for itab... so what if i failed my mob... so what.... 10 years down the road, im not sure whether they will even matter at all. 0.o

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absolutely no mood to study. and with mob coming up soon. gahh. dad says that even thou memorising mob seems USELESS cause it's not as if your boss will ever ask you what is 'lassaire faire'. ok fine, i dont even know how to spell that. but then, since when did most of the things we study, ever had anything to do with our jobs. im just too practical for my own good. hurr. 0.o

ok, those guys who were at business block wearing uniforms were from the navy. or marine. why do they hv to wear uniforms anyway? lol.. *swoons* hehe, i thought they were from SAF lah. sorry bernice. XD wrong info! hehee. im not swooning over the guys. im swooning over the uniforms. SO SMART-LOOKING. HEHE. if i had a bf wearing that uniform, i'll go gaga over him everyday. HEEX. XD

itab due on tuesday. ohmygosh. and here i am, reading stomp forums, trying to make a personal blogskin, and in that process, downloading brushes and trying to make my own banner. -.-" yeahh, i know there are alot of pro blogskin makers here like nina, but hehh, she's 19 alr lah. cannot compare. im still in the learning process. XD so give me some time and i'll come up with my own personalised blogskin. HEHH. XD

mygosh, jc people are gonna kill me for being so free while they're burying their heads in books.... but yea, i'll see what kind of person i turn out to be in a few years' time and judge whether i would be better off mugging my head off. -.-"

marine marine marine!!!! i wanna buy the uniform and stare at it everyday. LOL!!!! HAHAHA. JUST KIDDING LAHHH. XD

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came back from red cross... im officially a certified first aider. ^.^ haha.

woke up at 8 today and reached the red cross hq at 9.... end up today is whole day revision so felt abit slack. revise how to bandage people and cpr basically, as well as theory. i was so so sleepy.... couldnt stay awake sia... dunno how time managed to pass fast enough until the day is finally over.

im scared lah... everyday i read the news and something new about technology pops up. oh man... i dont want the world to move so fast... sigh. seems that the world is being changed by teenagers and youngsters at heart who hv had enough of the industrial revolution and have decided to revolutionise the world with aesthetics.. everything is about experience now. things are moving too fast... too fast for us to properly admire God's creations. i long to live in a place where i can look at nature in it's unblemished state... but that dream isnt gonna come true for a very long time. sigh.

work so much for what..... in the end work until you feel so sian and want to die. talking about the japanese who are overworked. number of suicidal cases skyrocketing. then there's been a sudden influx of articles about primary school students not having a proper enjoyable childhood. sigh. life is not all about work.

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just came back from jo's bday. gosh... so long since ive seen nav people. so long... they keep asking me to come back; but right now i cant.. sorry guys.

was just thinking.... i have every right to be upset about my situation now... to be resentful, to be angry, to give up. i deserve better; they all tell me. but... i can think in this perspective, or i can think in another. mindsets... they really change the way we feel. right now, the grass is always greener on the other side, really is being etched in my heart. when we have something, be contented with it. if im able to be contented with my current situation, if i get more, then i will be happy; but it wont change my contentment, except to add to my happiness. haha. cheem-ness. XD basically, i should be happy with whatever i have.... :)

today is like reunion day. after red cross i met annabelle at dover mrt. she was in her ac uniform.. haha. then at e bday, met gracia, my sec1/2 friend. THEN. this one is the most interesting. when i was at farrer park mrt, somehow i just walked to the other side of the mrt. considering that im so tired, i cant imagine why i even wanted to walk to the other side in the first place. haha. then, when i was walking into the train, I SAW BERTHA. XD hahahahaha!! so qiao... she is not wearing glasses le. XD sigh, actually, i didnt wana go for speech day cause ive been to those kind of presentations like thrice... go until sian le. hv to rehearse and stuff. and i just want to get that piece of paper. can get from the general office anyways. and.... main reason is.... i absolutely wont be able to wake up at 5.30 to make it to crescent in time. XD so, so sorry my dear peihua... at least i went for the class outing at KAP macs. ^.^

tmr got red cross exam. hopefully i can pass and get my card. ^^

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now in statistics class.... our idea cd got problem just now. jinwei bought readable cd, not RE-WRITABLE. -.-" haiyo.... so many things got problem.... so sad...

the rest of the class just came in. suddenly so noisy. hahaha.

later got red cross agm, then jo's bday.... aiya i go for class le. ^.^

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today went shopping with bernice after mob. we still hv to finish that idea word report lah... oh man. and i bought a closed toe shoe for formal wear.... been wearing heels cause i don hv flat closed toe and it's killing me. 0.o












minnie mouse-ish. HAHA. XD


took some pics after idea presentation yesterday. FINALLY it was over. a pic to brighten up my boring wordy blog... XD














uploading pics is taking far too long.... tried to use picasa but it just cannot access blogger thru there. aack. anyone got any ideas on how to post pics FAST? eg i cant download 150 songs in 5 mins. WAKAKA. XD

saw dan's programming stuff... was pondering a few days ago whether i should hv taken up biz IT instead.... cause right now im feeling that IT is really moving the world. but after seeing his java programming... really made me want to puke... it's like PROGRAMMING ITAB. really another language of it's own. haha. lol.

well, i think doing more of it will make it easier; just that i will keep wondering what's the use of it. im a very practical person... hence now im kind of resentful about statistics and accounting. in accounting, my dad's like, nowadays there are accounting softwares to help you so that u don need to bother about which is debit nature and credit nature etc. sigh... i guess the grass is really always greener on the other side. everytime i buy something i like to eat, then see bernice eating something else beside me, then make me wanna eat hers.... wakkaa.... XD so, i shall be content... and try to learn stuff on my own bah.

oh and anw.... i stop working on weekdays le. cause really too tired by the time i get back. only work on weekends. or when they call me.

aiyo.. thought after finishing idea; that it's finally over... still hv report. sigh....

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been so busy. weekends: red cross. hopefully will be able to get my cert if i pass my exam next sat. which means if anyone has a heart attack i can do cpr. HAHA. XD

then after red cross is work.. then now got so many projs.... ohmygosh... we're presenting on wednesday. *yelp*

today was econs test. see results then say. haha.

anyhow, some pics from red cross. XD SUPER FUNNY.

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now in itab lesson... then rmb i said we went job hunting ytd? hahaa. the lady called me JUST NOW in itab lesson. hahaha. they did not call bernice yet cause she doesnt want to work on weekdays.. pay a little lower than usual; but other than that, i just want the experience. after all, in year 3 when we hav industrial program, their pay is only $300-$400 a month. which is not even enough to cover your meals. so i think i shall just take this as having fun.. haha. cause the thing is... i will sort of be playing with kids during my job.. hehe... XD

im so very sleepy. had stats today. ended earlier than usual. then it was accounts.... purple book again.. then econs... kim was so BOREDDD. she was drawing her hand, colouring papers, etc. THEN. SUDDENLY, THESE GUYS OUTSIDE OUT CLASS WERE LAUGHING. AND LAUGHING LIKE.... CACKLING!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! i got laughing gas after that. i laughed non-stop for about 15 mins, until junxian caught sight of me laughing as well. hahahahh. kim wanted to call 995; i suggested woodbridge. HAHAA. XD

now itab.... thank goodness word isnt as sian as excel. otherwise my brain would be fried by now. 0.o

may noticed my prettay laptop during itab... may you made my day!! =DD

i start work tmr..... XD

spse today. tiring but awesomely fun. lovelovelove. :)

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mainly had effective communication today.... played GAMES. gosh... after kim told me abt the credit units thing for counting GPA; and that ec is only 2 credit units, i was abit sad... more emphasis on subjects like mob which im really bad at; as well as stats, pacc and econs. sheesh. no matter how hard i study, i just cant get the results. i wonder whether uni will fly out of the window le... haha.

went job hunting with bernice today. there was this bubble tea making one that bernice signed up for; which was totally chinese speaking. hahahhaa. i saw the form and it was all fan2ti3. HAHAH. i didnt sign up for that one. too scary. haha. the person in charge seems scary. haha.

well. thought i needed to get my head out of my books and get some experience. need to roughen my edges abit. haha. and not forgetting to mention that ive been feeling guilty abt using my parents' money for allowance. haha.

im so sleepy. spent so much money on transport le. sigh.

tmr hv to wake up at 7... alamak...

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so many things to do. so little time.

idea in 2 weeks. *yelp*

mob by next week. *yelpp*

today had mob and stats.

stats: he told us to bring laptop. end up nv use. and i lugged it all the way from home with my problematic knee. sheesh.

i think im addicted to the doughnut in fc6. tried the legendary doughnuts there. hahaah. after months of resisting it's chocolatey charm. hahaa. and now im craving for it. my goshhhh. what on earth do they put in there; i wonder. although i can totally feel the oil sinfully oozing out; and i know it's so not good for health; i figured since i dont get fat, i might as well try it. hehe. but it's really bad for health. oil will make you sluggish. that's the only downside. but heck. im gonna eat it on monday again. *grins*

i wan doughnut i wan doughnut i wan doughnut!!! XD

oh anyways. just now in stats i was laughing like crazy. cause junxian and his pretend wife, may, were so cute!!!! hahahaah. the way may seems to hen-peck her 'husband'... HAHAHAHAHA. they can seriously go mediacorp and act man!!! hahahaa. i found it so realistically cute. hahahaha. XD

and i still cant believe our stats teacher spent 160+ bucks on a belt. and may said she could buy it for 3 for $10. HAHAHAH. i could literally imagine his heart shatter. HAHAHAHAHA. ok, wonder whether he really spent that much on his belt. hahaha. and it looks like a few strips of leather. he is so fashion conscious!!! hahahaah. XD but a very fun tutor. ^.^

maybe that's the good thing about poly.... we get to give comments and feedback about them; so if they're no good, they get booted out *snap* just like that. lol.. maybe i like the privatisation of tertiary institutions... keeps the tutor standards high, and gives them a pressure to perform.

alamak... do people even go to the library to look for research material nowadays? i feel so sad seeing all the books lying on the shelves; accumulating dust and silverfish. sigh. the internet really is the best... but im sad at how many trees have been killed thanks to the mass book printing. sigh. in the end, it all ends up incinerated. just because now we're now in a full fledged internet age. sigh. really dont know what to do with this world man. except... encourage people not to print fliers. hahaa. posters do the job just fine..

gosh im such a nature lover. hahahahah. XD but good. see lah. chop more trees. burn more things. soon we'll have no more earth to live in. hahaha. :)

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mob lesson today; played taboo. haha. then now have to write a group report on it.

idea; discussed project for ca3. present in 2 weeks' time. im gonna hv a good time.. requires us to have a far-fetched imagination; which fortunately, being the dreamer i am, helps. hahaa.

spse; discussed pushcart stuff... then very funny... today we called one vendor; the laptop skin de. then darren told jiemin to talk to him very professionally; and use what 'enquire' and all the cheem words. in the end, she and the manager talk like in market liddat... HAHHAAHA. i was laughing like siao. hehe.

sigh. ca2 coming. why do i feel like no matter how hard i try; the results will never match my effort.

but still; i'll keep trying..

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finally got my laptop skin!!! ^^

actually, it's part of my spse project to bring this business into sp, so you guys can get laptop skins of many designs from moberly; hopefully by the end of this month. ^^

i think i hv the most special laptop in sp. MUAHAHAHA. if mr teo sees my laptop... muahahaha. cause i rmb tt time he said 'all your laptop covers look so boring" etc etc. ya, as if it's so easy to customise laptop skins or laptop cases. but NOW. hahaha. my laptop is the HOTTEST man!!! hahaha. XD

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now itab lesson... learning mircrosoft word. all the little nitty gritty things about word that ive never known before... at least it's easier than excel. cause we're not used to using excel. he said that excel is the hardest... hm.. .maybe cause it looks so accountant-ish, hence when im doing excel i feel very sian. haha.

finally a breakthrough. 93 for itab. at least itab is not like the other subjects where i hv to revise the same topics again and again even after being tested for it. now can throw away eveything about excel and dont need to revise excel ever again. woots. was very very sad about my other subjects. at least this proves im capable in at least 1 module lol. not like i didnt study hard for the other subjects like econs, pacc and stats. results just didnt match up to the amt of time i spent studying for them.

30 mins left. im restless. later going to j8 to make my laptop skin... woots. it's for a good cause. so that the edges of my lappy will not wear off. max should be $25. will try to get student price. as compared to garskin which is $100, this is so much better. and it has loads of designs. my lappy is gonna look so awesomely different. ^^

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as long as i dont get enough sleep, i feel horrible. slept at 1, woke up at 7. horrible. should not have come for today's pacc. cause i understood it le, so i actually didnt need her to go thru it? sigh. as long as i dont hv enough sleep, i feel nauseous. but for subsequent accounting tutorials, i think i will hv to go, cause they're getting harder.

tmr there's stats and pacc. skipped too many stats lessons le. crap. i absolutely cannot wake up. if i go sch in the morning, i will be DEAD for itab. go there with a fizzled brain. and end up in no mood to absorb anything.

then had effective communication. basically write a speech. so english essay-ish. 40%. kelvin n i finished so early.. haha. i think he was waiting for someone to finish too, otherwise he'd be so malu to be the first person to finish. haha.

anw after school, went to junction 8 to do what?? PROSPECT SHOPPING. lol. i love spse work... so much more practical and interesting as compared to mugging pacc, stats or econs. anw, found a few good pushcarts selling appropriate stuff.. i'll spare you guys the details. anw, when this project is done, you guys will be in the know about whatever im doing now. so... my blog posts about spse and spic things are a teaser eh? haha.

anw, first time i actually dare to talk to the vendors... not your canteen vendors k, pushcart vendors. had loads of fun talking to them. it was really a new experience. at first i felt really 'har' when darren asked me to get their contact; cause i was already feeling depressed enough over my results. felt rejected and useless enough le; still wanna go and ask people for contact... scary. that's what i thought lah. haha. but cause it would be inconvenient to be accompanied, so i bo bian go alone. and... i loved every minute of it.

we're not into retail shops yet. so.. it felt cool.. evaluating the carts and deciding whether to get their contacts. i felt like "your business expansion is in my hands, so you better treat me well". haha. spent quite some time staring at the products etc... evaluating... considering... until i know that the salespeople must be underestimating me; like 'this girl dress oso not until super nice, still come and stare'. cause it's a common mentality that people who dress nicer will buy more things right? but muahaha. i can give them better business than those who dress super nice and may not even buy things k.

well.. first time i enjoy 'shopping' this much... cause normally i really dont like shopping. haha. hm.. hope these projects will turn out well. was considering whether to actually put this post up; cause it's classified info.. haha. well, mainly cause i dont want to be blamed if anything goes wrong; because in everything, there will be times of success and failure.

i wan more spse meetings... i wan things to go faster... to inch closer and closer to my dreams... although i dont really know what my dreams really are, haha, but as nothing to do with mugging can already. HAHA. we're already meeting twice a week... but finally im seeing the ideas take form.

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got a letter from school. the speech n prize giving day thing amanda told me abt. lol. bronze. i seriously dont want to go. then when come to my name, they'll be like "rachel tan xue wei, who is not able to make it today". lol. last year they gave out these to almost the whole sec4 cohort. this time i think it's the same thing too. people getting As like free water. hahaha. anw, i don think i will wanna wake up at 6 just to reach school by 7.30. that's nuts. ok, decided, im not going. fwahaha. save me the trouble of filling in the form and sending to them. hahaa. anw, i got red cross. yes. im in spse, spic and red cross. haha.

idea... was super cool. nice to see the interesting projects put up by classmates. we didnt do as well thou. more to be improved on. nvm. failure should never be fatal.

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after ec, went for spse. met from 5.30 to 7pm. then took mrt from 7.20 liddat to 9. it takes me 1.5 hours to get home, yes. i have tried everything. taking express bus, taking north south line, north east line, 105, whatever i can think of. i just cannot reduce my traveling time. waking up early kills me. the worst thing is, i have had terrible insomnia since sec sch. and i faint if i get too little sleep. i dont know when this will end.

im bored of studies. hence 3 ccas. but im feeling the heat. but i enjoy it. but things are piling up. i contradict myself.

i just want more sleep. but i cannot get to sleep. lol.

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itab pbl shortened my lifespan by another few years. finally it's over. wonder how many more years my life will be shortened by in the coming two years. at least we don hv any more up coming projs. oh ya. will hv a new idea proj coming up. kaoz. and kao is not a bad word. it's hokkien for cry. lol.

i feel mad. ytd after school i had spse meeting. at least i enjoy cca time. then today, had spic and red cross meeting. went to sch only for spic which started from 3.30 to about 5. then cause rc smsed me before that so i might as well go after spic.

spic, im in hardware, software and pc show. was initially disinterested in it cause im alr in spse; sort of the get vendors outside to come n hv a pc show, but... well, i thought it'd be cool to fuse events management with IT. get a feel of what my dad's doing? haha. well, he's not exactly doing that. but close to it.

rc, nothing yet, just help in organising upcoming agm

actually it sounds like alot but it's nothing much. at least for now. maybe cause it's initial stage or what. but it amazes me how ideas can be transformed into actions and create an impact.

tmr after sch got spse for an hour.

all these sound like alot, but.. i enjoy them. maybe i didnt know what i wanted in sec sch... hence i didnt enjoy my cca as much as im doing so now.

it's 12am. i just woke up. too sleepy. im such an owl.

it's so weird how i can summarise my day in these few words; when what i have learnt goes far beyond narration.

and im realising that... i never knew i would be doing all these today. maybe as we grow up, we do change... our interests, motivations etc. im still learning... growing... changing.

i thought i would be mugging my way thru sec sch, jc, uni. lol. i thought i was a mugger or destined to be one. turns out im 180 degrees away from that. haha. but... i wonder why it is such a painstaking process just to find out what kind of person you are. and it often turns out that you are not the person you think you are. ive heard many stories of which people majoring in architechture, for example, chose journalism instead. it's queer... and i find it such a waste of time, energy, resources, money, etc. but.. often we cannot avoid it.

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accounting and effective communication modules today. i was dead sleepy. then 3 hours break until ec at 2. really wondered y i even bothered to come to school for pacc.

i could hv died in ec. it's like english all over again. *faints* had to type a speech. at least it's type. otherwise i'd scrawl over the paper to write lol. don like to write. sianz. i dunno.. cause it was english all over again, i felt so... like, resentful. bah.

itab tmr. microsoft word. apparently he says it's not as easy as it seems. well i'll believe him. since excel took half the life out of me.

itab pbl due by tmr. im so dead.

y is this post so deathly. lol. maybe cause i feel that waking up at the unearthly hour of 7am is so. lol. im complaining while the jc pple hv to wake up at 6 plus. haha.

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hm.. woke up at 6am and downloaded stuff into my hp.. got my mum's old one cause my previous one: couldnt do bluetooth, cannot connect to com, sms hav to press the buttons v hard, camera might as well not be a camera. im not complaining. my dad actually offered that i use my mum's old one about a week back liao. but i didnt want to. but now, cause i realised that i get super bored on the mrt or bus and it's too noisy to listen to mp3, i was thinking of getting a psp. haha. one of those far away dreams. so finally changed it to my mum's one which has more space to store games n mp3. gosh, i'll treat it like a jewel... never taking it out of my sight or into the toilet. don wanna drop this one in again too. haha. i'll positively murder myself if i ever did that. XD it's a nokia N73 btw. wanna use this one till it falls apart. hahhaa. (or into the toilet? hahaha.)

hm, so went to vivo just now for idea... we were late, as was jinwei, leaving kim waiting for us for about 30 mins. haha. then... doing our 'work' there was kinda... well, i felt uncomfortable. hahaa.

hm... will be doing itab pbl soon. cant believe next exams are in 2 months' time. im just counting down to next holidays. hahaha. XD

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